Humorous fiction with a little truth weaved in by Gary Piper
Enough of the serious stuff for awhile let’s have some fun!
Have you ever taken the time to lie on your back in the middle of a summer day and watch how the high atmospheric winds artistically shape and reshape white clouds against the beautiful blue summer sky? If you haven’t you really need to because the entire experience will put life into perspective for you.
Yesterday I had the opportunity to do so as I sat in my zero-gravity lawn chair which when fully reclined put me flat on my back looking straight up. After several minutes the sounds of the traffic rushing by was suddenly silenced by the wind blowing through the Blue Spruce tree next to me.
The first cloud that caught my eye looked like a small dog. Seconds later it merged with a much larger round cloud and suddenly I was looking at a giant marshmallow. Seconds later the marshmallow gave way to what looked like a guy walking with his girl friend. Seconds later the wind must have turned directions because the clouds began swirling around and around looking like a giant white merry-go-round.
The longer I lie looking up the more peaceful my spirit grew it seemed as if somehow the wind came down and carried my spirit into a celestial quietness high above the earth. Lying there I remembered I heard along time ago about a pilot who “slipped the surly bonds of earth and touched the face of God,” that’s not a direct quote but it close enough for you to get an idea of where I am coming from.
I am not sure how long I’d been lying there when all of sudden my solitude was invaded by a raspy sounding voice, “Hey, buddy what are you doing?”
A little irritated because of the intrusion I quickly answered back, “What’s it to you?” Then turning in the direction of the voice I found myself staring in eyes of what appeared to be a large peeling banana with a huge bulging eyes.
Quickly reaching for the two locking rings that unlocked my chair in its reclining position I released them the chair then shot forward and when it stopped it nearly threw me out onto the ground. I was lucky I was able to stop myself just as quickly because it would have been a disaster for my newly operated right hip had I hit the ground.
“Who or what the heck are you?” I quickly asked.
“Are you crazy?” The strange looking bird asked.
“I may be dreaming but I am not crazy. Who or what the heck are you?”
“Well, I am insulted. Here I thought I’d grace your day and honor you with a few minutes of my valuable time and you don’t even know I am the great Me-Me bird,” it replied.
“The great Me-Me bird? Are you some kind of song bird that starts out clearing your throat by singing me, me, me, me, me, me?”
“If you are going to continue to insult me I’ll just leave and you’ll never had, had the pleasure of knowing me the great Me-Me bird. I don’t do this with everyone.”
Before speaking I pinched myself to make sure I wasn’t dreaming, “Ouch,” I said, “at least I am not dreaming all of this.”
“I can assure you, whatever your name is you are not dreaming I am real and I am about to leave unless you treat me with a little more respect than you have so far,” the banana bird replied.
“My name is Crusty, Crusty the Christian,” I quickly replied. By this time my curiosity was getting the best of me so I thought I’d play along and find out a little more about the strange looking banana bird but I couldn’t resist one more opportunity to express myself.
“I am sorry Mr. Me-Me bird but when suddenly I come face to face with a giant three foot feathered talking banana with big orange feet, a big ugly head bulging eyes an a huge yellow beak barking orders at me and demanding respect I am somewhat puzzled about what is going on.” I smugly replied.
“Is that some kind of slam on my character?” the banana bird asked.
“I am only telling you what I see before me. If you want to take it as a slam then I am sorry for your loss. Now I don’t mean to sound disrespectful but my time is as valuable as yours so are we going to jaw back and forth or shall we engage in some meaningful dialog?” I replied, trying to sound sincere.
“Thank you,” I replied, not realizing I’d apologized, “go on tell me your story.”
“Well to be completely honest with you I did not always look this way. While I am much more good looking now then when I used to be I suppose back in the day you’d say I was much better looking. But back in the day…”
“Please excuse me for interrupting but what do you mean back in the day?” I asked.
“Oh, sorry. Back in the day is before the Creator put you humans on the earth when the Creator created all the winged creatures I looked much different. If you’ve ever seen picture of parrots you’ll get an idea of what I looked like. After you humans were created I paid real close attention because the Creator kept telling us you were our masters and that really bothered me, we were first not you humans if anyone should be the masters it should be us not some two legged Johnny come lately human. That never bothered any of the other creatures but it sure upset me so I went to the Creator myself and expressed my displeasure with him.”
The Me-Me bird paused for a moment then went back to his story. “The Creator then told me that it was his agenda that we creatures be subject to you humans. I quickly told him that may have been his agenda but it sure wasn’t my agenda. I told him I had my own agenda and it didn’t include his. I remember telling him my agenda was all about me-me and not anyone else. I knew I hurt the Creators feelings but oh, well he’d done the same to me.”
Again, interrupting him, “you mean to tell me you are older than humans have been on the earth? I really find that hard to believe!”
“If you’ll let me finish my story you’ll believe.”
“Okay, sorry for the interruption,” I answered.
“I was just about to tell you what my agenda included.”
“Oh, then by all means tell me, I am all ears.”
“Well, I developed a plan where I would go and get the two humans, Adam and Eve to discredit themselves then the Creator would elevate us creatures to be the masters and not the humans. It was a brilliant plan but some dumb snake beat me to it and got to them before I could.”
I wasn’t real sure I was swallowing the story or not but it was getting interesting. “So what happened next? I asked.
“Wow! Did the Creator ever get after that snake and the two humans. The snake he turned ugly and the two humans he threw out of the garden. That really made me happy because now we creatures were masters. My plan succeeded and I didn’t even have to put it into action. But, nothing gets by the Creator because he knew my agenda and he knew I’d intended to use it so rather then throw me out of the garden he turned me into what I look like today. That really angered me after all how could I be master now that all the creatures were better looking than I was.”
Really into the story now, “What, pray tell, did your do then?”
“I was on my way to give the Creator a piece of my mind when the snake found me and told me he really envied my agenda. He told me there would be a lot more humans coming that I could help them discredit themselves to the Lord so I could still be their master. If I agreed to help him, he told me in return he’d give me eternal life. The only thing I wanted him to know that he would not be my master. We both agreed.”
“Boy that sure is some story. And for some reason I believe you. But why are you here?” I asked.
“If you believe me then you’ll know you don’t need the Creator all you really need is develop your own agenda. And I can help you do that, its really simple just think of yourself as master for everyone and everything!”
“Hey, wait just a minute you might as well stop right there. There was a day when I did have my own agenda and it didn’t work. In fact I’ve tried many different agendas but I’ve discovered the best one is the Jesus’ Agenda. So do me a favor will ya?”
“What’s that,” the bird replied, sounding frustrated.
“Go away! And see if you can somehow find it yourself!”
Suddenly the banana bird flapped his yellow wings and was gone. As he flew I could hear him saying, “Another stupid human headed for disaster. But there are plenty of others out there!”
Has the Me-Me bird visited you yet?